Sun, 2018-02-18 12:31
2. Building strong Families & forging great Relationships
Subtitle: Child Dedication Service & Parenting Message
We are currently moving through a series of messages focused on “family” and on “relationships”. We are studying God’s Word to (re)discover:
Ø God’s purpose and design for the family
Ø God’s plan and methods towards healthier relationships
Ø God’s intention to help each of us to live more fulfilled lives
Two Sunday ago we spoke about marriage, and today we are speaking about parenting.
Today’s message is not a Parenting Course. We only have time to share about the Biblical Parenting Philosophy and Biblical Parenting Principles.
Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 is telling us that:
Ø What a person will become later in life is determined by the child training he/she receives earlier in life
Ø Adulthood is shaped during childhood
In other words, we don’t wait until we have a 25 year old rebel on our hands. We begin early in life to train and shape the child’s character and personality.
Ephesians 6:1–4 (NLT) Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
A. Ephesians 6 speaks about God, about parents and about children
1. God commands parents to train their children
2. God commands children to obey their parents
3. God specifically charges fathers to instruct and discipline their children
B. Ephesians 6 also speaks about honour and about obedience
To honour – to show respect, to value, to revere, to esteem
The command to honour our father and mother is the 5th of the Ten Commandments, and the 1st command that has a promise attached to it.
Actually, the Bible commands us to live a life of honour. It says to:
Ø honour God (Proverbs 3:9)
Ø honour all people (1 Peter 2:17)
Ø honour especially those in authority (1 Peter 2:17)
Ø husbands honour wives (1 Peter 3:7)
Ø honour elderly people (Lev. 19:32)
Ø employees honour employers (1 Tim. 6:1)
But it all begins in the home by learning to honour our father and mother.
Therefore, parents are required to:
1. Model a life of honour to their children
2. Teach them to honour, and demand honour from them
To obey – to submit to, to listed to a command and obey
Children are commanded to obey their parents. But it is the parents’ responsibility to instruct their children, and make them obey.
Genesis 18:19 (NET) I have chosen him (Abraham) so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Then the Lord will give to Abraham what He promised him.”
Abraham did not suggest his children to do what is right and just.
He commanded them.
“Obedience” has to do with “authority”.
Someone “in authority” commands and demands obedience from someone who is “under their authority”.
Friends cannot demand obedience from each other, since friendship is not a “command and obedience relationship” but a “peer to peer relationship”.
Herein lies the problem.
Many parents make the mistake of trying to be their child’s friend before they have become their child’s authority figure. In doing so, parents have lost their authority, and therefore there is little obedience from the child who now thinks they are your peer.
All of this is to say that:
The primary focus in parenting should NOT be:
Ø on the child’s success while growing up
Ø on the child’s intelligence and intellectual development
Ø or on the child’s educational advancement
The primary focus in parenting should be on:
Ø shaping the child’s character
Ø honing the child’s personality
Ø teaching the child honour, obedience, integrity and respect
The ultimate goal in the child’s life is its eventual submission and obedience to God for its own salvation.
C. Ephesians 6 also speaks about the reward of a good and long life
Rewards are earned, and not automatically deserved or freely given.
Things tend to work out very well for some people, and not so well for other people. Yet not many people would connect their welfare (or lack of it) to their relationship with their parents.
In the 5th of the Ten Commandments (Deut. 5:7-21), God put the command to honour our father and our mother. This is the 1st of the Ten Commandments which has a promise attached to it. Namely, if we obey God and honour our parents, things will go well with us and we will live a long life on the earth.
Once again, the key to the a child’s welfare in adulthood and in old life does not (initially) lie in the hand of the child itself, but in the hands of its parents.
Parents who instil the precursor for a good and long life into the life of their child, namely honour and obedience to authority, will ensure that things will go well with the child later in life.
Ø the aim in parenting is not to control the (external) actions of the child
Ø the aim is to affect their (internal) attitudes
Ø the aim is to reach and teach the heart of the child
We change the (external) behaviour of the child by shaping their (internal) character.
1. Encourage and reward good behaviour
a. Praise the child when they behave well
b. Communicate strong approval when their behave exceptionally well
2. Discourage and reprimand bad behaviour
a. Communicate disapproval for their bad behaviour
b. Give them the moral reason why their behaviour is inappropriate
3. Introduce & administer negative consequences for unacceptable behaviour
a. Has to be age appropriate. Could be:
b. Time out
c. Loss of privileges (favourite toy, favourite activity etc. )
d. The severity of the consequence has to fit the severity of the crime
4. Choose good friends for your child early in life
5. Teach your child to choose good friends as they grow up
6. Don’t use TV or as a babysitter or as a reward
7. Proverbs is an excellent portion of Scripture to teach your child wisdom for godly living
1 Corinthians 15:33 (NASB) Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
4179 The Jukes Family
Careful search has been made into the history of one criminal family known as the Jukes Family, and it is conspicuous as a long record of pauperism and recklessness, retardedness and insanity, prostitution and drunkenness.
A total of 1,200 descendants have been traced of this prolific family tree. Some 400 of these were physically self-wrecked, 310 professional paupers, 130 convicted criminals, 60 habitual thieves and pick-pockets, and 7 murderers; while out of the whole 1,200 only 20 ever learned a trade, and of these half of them owed it to prison discipline. (—A. T. Pierson)
4182 Descendants Of Jonathan Edwards
American theologian and philosopher whose original sermons and writings stimulated the Great Awakening, a period of renewed American devotion to God. Jonathan Edwards was the son of a godly family. His father was a preacher and before him his mother’s father. Trace the history of the offspring of this godly man. More than 400 of them have been traced, and they include 14 university presidents, and 100 professors, 100 of them have been ministers of the Gospel, missionaries, and theological teachers. More than 100 of them were lawyers and judges. Out of the whole number 60 have been doctors, and as many more, authors of high rank, or editors of prestigious journals.
In fact, almost every conspicuous American industry has had as its promoters one or more of the offspring of the Edward’s stock since the remote ancestor was married in the closing half of the seventeenth century.